I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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