The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
