Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
