my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
accomplished twins. life is a go
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
