He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
