I didn't shave. On purpose
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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