I feel like abortions should bother me more
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
