omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
