ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
