Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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