i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
i've created a new STD.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
