4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
