May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
