three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
