So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
