I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
