ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
