im drinking this country out of the recession.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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