Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
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