Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I wear drunk well.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
