Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
