I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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