um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
