i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Randomize
