My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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