Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
