My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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