you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
