I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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