so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
