What a fucking waste of an outfit
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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