i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
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