I queefed so loud it echoed.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
