he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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