I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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