Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
