just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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