Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
