..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
