The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
