my sisters under your porch take her home
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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