thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
he wants to bone in the snuggie
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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