You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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