so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
