so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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