I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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