Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
