we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize