dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Randomize
