i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
