Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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