I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize