I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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