This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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