never play flip cup with pint glasses
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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