Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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