I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Randomize
