peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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