Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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