So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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