i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Randomize
