bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize