Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
