If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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