made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
