playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
