you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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