i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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