Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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